i constantly get into blogging moods when i'm not near the computer and now that i am, i have no interest to blog. well, not that i have no interest but just that all the thoughts i wanted to get out aren't there. i feel like i have to shower, get work done, etc etc and it's not that i don't want to but tomorrow the same feelings are going to come back. part of it is that i'm scared of how things around me will turn out with family and friends and work. and maybe i said this before but i know i don't say it often...partially i'm just mad at my parents for things just not working out between them. i realized i try to avoid talking to my dad and trying to think of them and the way everything used to be because i start breaking down and i hate breaking down. but i know that it just means i'm going to live my life not talking to people that mean a lot to me just because i'm mad. i think i'm strong but i'm really not. today was kind of weird because i ate to try to feel better...and i don't want to do that. it's one of those times when you're just searching and you don't know what you're looking for but you'll just know when you find it...what gives peace of mind?