*sigh* bad day. bad week. and for some reason i'm just sad....i've felt down all day actually....

what could it be? i don't know ...maybe it's that i'm so unproductive that i'm still not done the code i wanted to be done yesterday night despite working until about 3-ish AM everyday this week? or just that I want to focus on work and other things just keep coming up. and it just annoys me so much that we try to plan events for ppl at work and we depend on their attendance when they say they're going. like, we're going to casino niagara but we need 35 people and right now, only 22 ppl have paid with about 12 backing out in the last day with lame excuses. i mean, i know one was valid in that the person found out she had to work that weekend but for others, I mean we advertised it for about a month and asked personally if they were going. If we don't meet the minimum, the others can't go or they end up paying more which really isn't fair to them. And we can't say 'no, you're held by your word.' because i mean, who are we? Just a lowly student community that wants to keep events going and not have to cancel them :( additionally (and this one's petty), i can't fence or judge a bout at all and the tournament is next week. i'm also under pressure at work and i want to be able to hand over my team lead responsibilities to others for a month so that I can focus on work but i mean really, everyone else wants to put work first too. i need someone with initiative and drive for this and i just have too much on my mind right now. i know i'm worrying an awful lot when i should just DO it but it always comes back to me just thinking about things everywhere i go. i kind of ranted to my other team leads and location rep today about the casino issue and just the fact that i've been busy and can't do a lot more than my regular work right now --- and that just SUCKS. i LIKE to be able to do other things. uggghh....! one thing I may not have mentioned is that there is increasing pressure for me to drop all extra currics which i DON'T want to do. i was always taught to be well rounded and although i'm not, i want to try :( course, even though i'm trying to drop so much, i can't because even now, i'm dealing with a couple things in other windows behind my ranting blog .....luckily -- and i'm seriously SO thankful for this -- one of my team lead buddies is taking on my load for this week (and this is after another one took it for last week)....*sigh*....honestly, when push comes to shove, i'm really really glad i have these guys helping me out and understanding how stressed and tired i am at this point :(

*sigh*...time to go get working and all that ish....

thanks for listening, guys :)